Chat Im sorry
Feb. 3rd, 2026 09:00 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
starblogggerYeah, yeah its been forever, ikik.
I would say it's because I have been busy, but that's not true.
Last weekend, I wrote 10,000 words in this novel I'm writing about my friend group. I hope that one day I read back through it and get to reminisce about the daily life of middle school/early high school.
I got my Animal Crossing island to 5 stars yesterday. I am beyond proud of myself for sticking with it. I know it sounds silly, but it's hard for me to get motivation to do things I love doing, like playing Animal Crossing. I don't know why, but I have all these interests and hobbies, and I am constantly curious about the world. The thing is, I don't have the motivation to do any of those things I WANT TO DO. I feel like the laziest person in the world sometimes.
I have been thinking a lot lately about this teacher I used to have, whom I still keep in contact with. When I was in the 7th grade, she tried to end her life. I was the only person she could confide in afterwards because her daughters hated her, and she was divorced. I will never know why her kids were such brats, because she is the nicest person I know with such a lovely and kind soul. I wish I still lived near her so I could see her more than once every other year. I worry about her all the time. Probably more than I worry about myself.
My parents don't fight; they just bicker. Constantly. But not in a cute old couple way. I feel like it's not bad enough to do real damage to their relationship yet, but if they don't change something, it could. My sister is in college rn, so I am all alone to deal with it. I HATE how whenever they are arguing at the table, my mom or dad looks over at me and just expects that I am on their side. I am not on either of their side. I am on my family's side. I will not pick one parent over the other, just like they do not immediately side with either my sister or me. I feel like marriage counselling could be really beneficial for them.
The outfit I wore today made me feel really confident. A year ago, I would wear nothing but sweatshirts because I was so insecure about how I looked. Today, I wore a crop-top sweater with low-rise, baggy jeans. I felt so good. I got so many compliments. I am forever grateful to my sister for pushing me to make the change to wear what I wanted, not what I thought other people would accept me in.
I realised today that for the first time in my life, I don't have friend problems. I am in a group that doesn't hate eachother. Nobody is left out. In fact, when my mental health was getting bad, and I refused to go to our friend gatherings, people called me when they were together so I could experience it even though I was still in my room. I was always so surprised when they did this because I am the newest person by far in the group. All the people there have known each other for 5+ years, and I only met them last school year. But I never feel left out. My life got so much better the moment I let the people go who tore me down. That girl who only complains and never says anything positive ever? SHE IS AFFECTING YOU. No matter how much you don't think so, the people around you do affect how you view the world and go about fixing your problems. My biggest regret will always be not realising how others were hurting me. It is not your responsibility to fix their attitude. That is something only they can control. Covering for them won't make them better.
My life is the song 5am by Leith Ross right now. It's so good frfr.
Stay safe, and I wish you good vibes!
I would say it's because I have been busy, but that's not true.
Last weekend, I wrote 10,000 words in this novel I'm writing about my friend group. I hope that one day I read back through it and get to reminisce about the daily life of middle school/early high school.
I got my Animal Crossing island to 5 stars yesterday. I am beyond proud of myself for sticking with it. I know it sounds silly, but it's hard for me to get motivation to do things I love doing, like playing Animal Crossing. I don't know why, but I have all these interests and hobbies, and I am constantly curious about the world. The thing is, I don't have the motivation to do any of those things I WANT TO DO. I feel like the laziest person in the world sometimes.
I have been thinking a lot lately about this teacher I used to have, whom I still keep in contact with. When I was in the 7th grade, she tried to end her life. I was the only person she could confide in afterwards because her daughters hated her, and she was divorced. I will never know why her kids were such brats, because she is the nicest person I know with such a lovely and kind soul. I wish I still lived near her so I could see her more than once every other year. I worry about her all the time. Probably more than I worry about myself.
My parents don't fight; they just bicker. Constantly. But not in a cute old couple way. I feel like it's not bad enough to do real damage to their relationship yet, but if they don't change something, it could. My sister is in college rn, so I am all alone to deal with it. I HATE how whenever they are arguing at the table, my mom or dad looks over at me and just expects that I am on their side. I am not on either of their side. I am on my family's side. I will not pick one parent over the other, just like they do not immediately side with either my sister or me. I feel like marriage counselling could be really beneficial for them.
The outfit I wore today made me feel really confident. A year ago, I would wear nothing but sweatshirts because I was so insecure about how I looked. Today, I wore a crop-top sweater with low-rise, baggy jeans. I felt so good. I got so many compliments. I am forever grateful to my sister for pushing me to make the change to wear what I wanted, not what I thought other people would accept me in.
I realised today that for the first time in my life, I don't have friend problems. I am in a group that doesn't hate eachother. Nobody is left out. In fact, when my mental health was getting bad, and I refused to go to our friend gatherings, people called me when they were together so I could experience it even though I was still in my room. I was always so surprised when they did this because I am the newest person by far in the group. All the people there have known each other for 5+ years, and I only met them last school year. But I never feel left out. My life got so much better the moment I let the people go who tore me down. That girl who only complains and never says anything positive ever? SHE IS AFFECTING YOU. No matter how much you don't think so, the people around you do affect how you view the world and go about fixing your problems. My biggest regret will always be not realising how others were hurting me. It is not your responsibility to fix their attitude. That is something only they can control. Covering for them won't make them better.
My life is the song 5am by Leith Ross right now. It's so good frfr.
Stay safe, and I wish you good vibes!
